Saturday, 5 January 2019

happy birthday


These last few weeks have been draining, mentally. I have been so obsessed about my birthday and my age that I have not only sucked the energy out of myself but my friends, family and everyone around me. I was so upset about turning 25 that I would sleep for days just so I wouldn’t have to think about it. I know you’re probably thinking “its just a number why are you being so dramatic” but to me its not about the number, its about the current stage of my life and where I thought I’d be at 25, you know? Growing up we plan every single step of our lives (we’re all guilty) but sometimes we set our standards so high that it’s almost impossible to reach. The crazy thing is you don’t even feel it until you finally hit that milestone or that specific age and you look back at the years only to feel like a failure for not achieving the goals you set yourself when you were 14. We shouldn’t let the goals we set ourselves when we were younger, break us when we’re older.

It’s unhealthy.

There’s so much pressure from society to have your sh*t together in your mid-late twenties. I mean sure it’s okay to be disoriented in your early twenties, cute even. But God forbid you’re still figuring life out at 25. No one ever talks about the anxiety that comes with age. Who says I should have my ideal job by now? Who says I should be married or expecting kids? Who says it’s not okay for me to be exactly where I am right now?

Society often tells us that we’re “running out of time” if we’re not married, have kids, or accomplish something spectacular before a certain age. Usually it’s between 25-35. It’s almost comical how often we hear women being described as ‘expired.’ It’s absurd and completely unfair. For decades women have been ashamed of their age. We’re all familiar with the phrase “never ask a lady about her age” and it’s because for the longest time we’ve conditioned to meet and surpass society’s expectations.

Ever heard of the rules of expectations? Expectations have a powerful impact and as humans when we know someone expects something from us, we try to satisfy him or her in order to gain respect and likability. Although some may argue that setting high expectations plays an important role in character development, its not always a good thing. You can express an expectation of doubt, lack of confidence and skepticism and you will see the results. In reality it can lead to a improvement or destruction of a person.

Turning 25 has taught me to first and foremost, re-evalute my goals every 3-5 years. That way I know to set realistic ambitions and avoid any future burn outs. As people, we don’t always stay the same, we change, we adapt and we grow every day, so shouldn’t our future mirror that growth?

It also made me realise that that stressing about my age won’t make me any younger - in fact I read somewhere that stress adds years to your face and that’s the last thing I want. The world doesn’t stop for anyone. Seconds turn into minutes, minutes turn into hours which then turns to days, then weeks then months then years. We have no control over time, but we do have control over how we use that time and THAT’S what’s important . I need to stop wallowing in self pity over what I have or haven't done the past few years and seize the years to come.

To anyone who is stressed about turning a certain age, stop being so hard on yourself and allow yourself to develop as an adult, naturally. Take each day as it comes. Every    morning we get a chance to be different, a chance to change. A chance to be better.

We got this.

                           POSTED BY HAARA O.

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